A CHAT ABOUT ‘GPT’ – GRATITUDE, PATIENCE AND TIME
In Indian culture, the blessing most often given by our elders is ‘Ayushman Bhava’ (‘May you live a hundred years’). Longevity or living long is a much-desired goal of humanity and indeed, it is also one of our biggest achievements. Life expectancy at birth has increased in India from 35 years in 1950 to 70 years in 2020 (and similarly in many other developing countries), and is rising rapidly with advancements in science and healthcare. If one reaches 60, one can expect to live for another 20 years.
LIVING LONG & LIVING WITH A PURPOSE
While living longer is a goal, there is a bigger virtue that humanity has been striving for – living well and what is often talked about as ‘living with a purpose’.
It is one of the most profound existential concepts, but it doesn’t crop up in the early years. It is post 50 that this idea starts surfacing for many. So why should those in their mid-20s be even thinking about this?
Consider this – what if one had a window into the future – a way of fast-forwarding your life and then looking back? While we don’t yet have the luxury of a time machine, for now we have a more simple, practical solution – those who have walked the path ahead of us. In the ageing & development space, there is a lot of research on what matters for a better life. Researchers ask those who are in their 60-70s about what aspects they would have liked to do differently. Some striking ones are: First, they wish they had been true to oneself – lived their authentic self; second, they wish they had taken more risks – explored more outside their comfort zone; third, they wish they had prioritized better – made better choices. The central thread is around a purposeful journey towards a more fulfilling life.
As one does this journey of life, there is one dimension that often gets lost out – it is not just about the destination or the path, but also about the people who are our fellow travelers on the journey.
TRANSFORMATIONAL ‘GPT’ – GRATITUDE | PATIENCE | TIME
As part of exploring the meaning and goodness of life, I outline three ideas or core values, which have transformational power. Even as one navigates the high-pitched, high-paced, high-complexity world we live in, it has the potential to keep you grounded with the power source. If you have seen the ‘Iron Man’ movie, consider these the ‘arc reactor’ in his body suit – the crystal that powers you to new beginnings and success.
Taking reference from another transformational change that is surrounding us – Chat GPT – I am calling the three ideas ‘Chat about GPT – Gratitude, Patience and Time’. This should also be easy to recall and an easy reminder.
GRATITUDE AS A PRACTICE
When you see the picture below, what is the first thought that comes to your mind? Life in poverty, isolation and neglect? Inequality is one of the key global trends and a challenge that the world is trying to solve for – the divide between the haves and the have-nots. But, what decides the difference between the disadvantaged and the advantaged? The notion of ‘Lottery of Birth’ is possibly the most powerful concept, and very simply, it says that where you were born, best explains all you have. Yes, hard work matters but that is not the prime determinant.
Therefore, in the effort for justice, start with solving for the unequal starting point. Many of us have won the lottery of birth. Therefore, keeping an ‘Attitude of Gratitude’ brings humility in all that we do. It prompts us to keep giving back, of being of service to others.
This gratitude is something that also runs deep in the relationship we have with our elders. Parents (ours or if you are young and when you become one) are default designed to be caring, to make sacrifices. A mother’s selfless love is well known.
Let me share a little story. There is now an increasing trend, unfortunate of course, of children leaving their parents at an old age home. One such son and daughter left their mother at a home and visited occasionally to check on her well-being. At one stage, the mother realized her end was nearing and called her dear children and talked about a few changes the home needs – better fan, better bed, etc. The children were surprised and asked – if she was facing these problems, why not share them earlier? She responded that she did not want to trouble them and was used to hardships, but thought that if they were to come here, it will cause them discomfort. That’s how all mothers and parents are – aren’t they? They don’t share their worries and troubles but keep caring.
Gratitude is unfortunately not deep-coded by nature within us. We tend to take things not just for granted but also often with a sense of entitlement. What can we do to keep the gratitude glowing within us? I came across this wonderful concept of ‘Gratitude as a Practice’.
You can do a quick 20-second version of this practice. Close your eyes and in your mind, count three points for which you are grateful.
There will be different thoughts and a different list for each one of us. Incidentally, for most of us our parents feature on the list. So, what happens when we do this?
I looked up the science and evidence behind the gratitude practice – there are immense benefits around staying positive and building resilience. Most importantly, it emphasizes the merit of not just observing, but also more explicitly expressing. It is like wrapping up the gift package and then gifting it to yourself. There seems to be tremendous value in taking out time periodically for 5 minutes to count your 5 blessings.
PATIENCE FOR MINDFULNESS
The second idea or value I want to touch on is Patience. This is a classic one we hear always – isn’t it? “Be patient, have patience”. But it is not easy when we are bombarded by Weapons of Mass Distraction – this is the new WMD – and yes, my reference is to the social media onslaught on our time. Blaise Pascal once said, “All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.”
As a society, we are increasingly becoming impatient, restless and irritable. In conversations, it is mentioned that calmness is disappearing. Is there a merit in re-discovering the core value of being Present, of slowing down?
Why is this important? It is core to living life ‘mindfully’ rather than hurtling from one thing to another. It is creating space between Trigger and Response, where we make decisions and choices. It is shifting from Autopilot to Manual.
In our work with elders, we see this impatience impacting our elders. Yes, ageing brings decline in some aspects, but also growth. Speed reduces but Wisdom accelerates. So, when an elder repeats a question three times, we lose our patience. When they do not catch up fast, we say ‘You will not be able to do it’. We see this in the matter of using digital devices – youngsters in families know the digital world well and are best positioned to train the elders. But often, their lack of patience comes in the way.
Mindfulness is again a practice. It is the mind gym where you have to build your ‘patience muscle’.
TIME FOR RELATIONSHIPS
The third is the most powerful one TIME – most precious, most sought after. There is never enough time and time for productivity is what gets our attention the most. Productivity hacks are very popular. Many of us may be watching videos at 2x speed, practice speed reading, check tips for making faster decisions, and manage multi-tasking. In business and in life, we are trying to maximize efficiency – get the most out in terms of per unit of time.
What I am referring to is ‘Time for Relationships & Connections’. We have time for everything else, but no time for connecting, and I am not referring to connections over social media (Facebook, Instagram, others), but in-person connections. Almost all studies that look at longevity and happiness conclude that social relationships are what matters.
And if you reverse it, Loneliness or isolation is one of the biggest public health risks to our well-being. This is happening for all generations – the young and the old – the elders, GenX, the Gen Y (Millennial) and the Gen Z. Studies (as the one below) are showing that loneliness is prevalent and rising, and a key reason is diminishing social circle – circle of friends and close relationships.
There is this story of an elderly living alone who had two cups of tea on his table. Someone visiting him asked if he had a visitor today. The elderly replied one person visited him two weeks ago, and he kept the cup as a memory, to feel that someone is there. HelpAge India (a non-profit working on eldercare) did research during COVID times and one statistic was striking – 36% of elders were waiting for phone to ring. Surveys show that about 20% elders in cities are living alone, and even in their homes feel disconnected. When is the last time you had no phone, no TV, and you were talking to your father or mother face to face, eye to eye? Are we spending enough time with our elders – parents, grandparents, friends, relatives?
BRING THESE VIP (VALUES IN PRACTICE) IN YOUR LIFE
Gratitude, Patience and Time (GPT) are values to nurture, and more importantly to take it up as a Practice in our daily lives. Gratitude for Positivity; Patience for Mindfulness and Time for Relationship – make these the VIP in your lives – Values in Practice.
They are not mere concepts, but directly linked to a purposeful living, of having a meaningful journey with the people around us, of being cornerstones of all new beginnings and success – both in our personal and professional life. They could be your GPS in life – ‘Guiding Principles for Success’. They also hold particular significance for the quality of life of elders – our parents and grandparents – and for strengthening the intergenerational bonds.
Best wishes for your journey ahead!
Rohit Prasad
CEO, HelpAge India
